Things men wish women knew

Someone emailed me this today and I thought it was rather funny. These are the things men wished women knew about men.

  • If I want to have sex with you, I find you attractive. Stop asking me if I dislike your ass, boobs, stomach or whatever.
  • Don’t clean up my messy office as a favor, because you’re essentially hiding every fucking thing I need.
  • Yes, I watch porn. All men do.
  • Me looking at other women does not mean I am not attracted to you. It means I am male.
  • If you have to ask, you’re probably not hotter than that chick. No, you’re not the most attractive woman in the world. Deal with it.
  • If you weren’t skinny when we started dating, chances are that I actually like the fact that you’re not skinny.
  • It’s not my fault that you have pms. If you get mad at me because of it, I will think you are batshit insane.
  • When I’m having sex with you, sometimes I fantasize about other women. I could be having sex with other women while fantasizing about you, instead. Take your pick.
  • Your co-worker’s sister’s friend’s love life doesn’t interest me in the slightest. If you talk about it for over 10 seconds, I will not listen. If I pretend to listen while actually thinking about busty Swedish maidens bringing me beer, be happy – it’s the closest thing to me listening you’re going to get.
  • Thinking of busty Swedish maidens bringing me beer makes me happy.
  • My penis is twice as large as those of any guy you’ve ever had sex with. I know it’s not true, and I don’t care. Lie to me.
  • Any movie that contains both explosions and people dying in spectacular new ways is worth watching.
  • Yes, I just looked at her boobs. I had no other choice – they were there, and I have eyes.
  • Sarah Jessica Parker is not a fashion icon. She’s the Wicked Witch of the West. Try and look like her, and I will leave you.

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