Every person from your past lives as a shadow in your mind.  Good or bad, they all helped you write the story of your life, and shaped the person you are today.  — Doe Zantamanta

My whole life I’ve always tried to remember that no matter how good or bad things are in my life, they make up who I am today and I should cherish each and every life experience.  So when I seen this quote, I thought this is perfect.  It couldn’t be more true.  People always say “what doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger” and that’s very true.  Because each of those bad things we go through help us grow and become better people.  So please keep that in mind the next time you are going through a bad breakup.  If nothing else you can be grateful for the experience and that it made you the person you are today.

The entire month of March was great.  We didn’t have so much as one fight.  Then  around the first week of April she started up again.  She tells me she loves me but I know her ex-boyfriends parents are really pressuring her for us to break up.  They’ve been coming between us since day 1.  I’m sure she doesn’t love her ex-boyfriend any more, because if she did she would be with him and not me but she still talks to his parents.  She texts his mother daily.  They seem to be very close.  What am I going to do?

What is wrong with you?  Are you really that blind?  They say love in blind but apparently it’s stupid too.  Do you really think she isn’t still madly in love with her ex-boyfriend?  Of course she is!  And every time she pushes you away it has nothing to do with her ex-boyfriends parents, but her own secret feelings for him.

She stays with you because you are clearly a nice guy but then eventually her own feelings of guilt about being with someone she doesn’t really feel about him like he feels about her.  While I’m no psychic, it would surely explain it major mood swings about your relationship.

I know you care deeply for her and want to make things work but you can’t make someone feel what they just don’t feel.  It’s time for you to man up and move on and find someone who feels about you the same way you feel about them.  Don’t you deserve to be in THAT kind of relationship?

 

MEN LIKE long, straight, healthy hair that has a healthy shine.  They all reported liking hair that is soft and silky smooth.

MEN DON’T LIKE fake looking lip color.  They prefer instead a more natural or softer color.  They don’t seem to care to much about shine.  It is specifically the color that bothers them.  Bright red, dark red, bright hot pink … these are the fake colors that the men surveyed seemed to be against.

MEN DON’T LIKE short hair.  Thinking of getting a pixie cut?  Don’t.  Men prefer their women with longer hair.  Some men reported that short hair reminded them to much of their mothers.

MEN DO LIKE well manicured hands.  They want their lady to have nails that look well and aren’t to long or to short, that look well kept.  Since they didn’t like bright red or pink lips we wondered what they thought about the color on nail polish.  Surprisingly most men surveyed said they don’t mind red or pink nails but what they don’t like is any shade of neon nails.  Some men said they associated neon colored nails to circus performers.

MEN LIKE or should I say love soft skin.  So ladies get out that hand lotion and make sure to use it often.

MEN DON’T LIKE lots of eyeliner.  The Taylor Momsen look is not something most men report not to being into.  As one man put it, “a girl can be hot, have a great body but then she just ruins it with looking like a raccoon with all that dark makeup around her eyes.”

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NEON IS A NO NO:  Several men in the survey reported hating neon anything from nail polish to eye shadow and lipstick.  “It’s not attractive.  It makes a girl look to made up like she’s trying to be a space martian or something.”

TO MUCH PERFUME:  In what is probably not a surprise to many the men in the survey reported hating women who put on to much perfume.  To much of a good thing is a bad thing!  “I don’t know what they think they are trying to cover with all that perfume but it makes me want to vomit.  Please just stop it already!”

ROUGH OR DRY SKIN:  Men who took the survey also reported hating women with rough or dry skin.  “When I touch a lady I want to feel something soft, not some weird dry elbow.  That makes me think of another man.  That’s just wrong.  If a woman wants to be sexy then she’ll take care of herself and that includes her skin.  Sexy to me is soft and smooth skin.  I don’t even know why but it’s really a turn on to me.”

FAKE BAKES:  Girls you aren’t fooling anyone when you have that orange glow about you and men who took the survey reported hating the look as well.  “Trust me there is a difference between a bronze glow of a real tan and the orange disaster look that those Jersey girls seem to like to pimp.  It’s disgusting.”

STIFF HAIR:  You don’t see it to much anymore but there are some girls who are still a slave to the ’80s and don’t seem to know how to put away the hairspray.  Girls the men who took our survey told us they hate stiff and sticky hair.  So put away your hair spray and consider a softer, more natural look.

BYE BYE UGG BOOTS:  While not a makeup type thing, most men reported hating Ugg boots with a passion.  “They make the girl look lazy!“  While you don’t always have to dress to impress, men apparently don’t want you to go out of your way to dress down either and wearing Ugg boots makes it look like you just don’t care to try.

“It’s not you, it’s me.  I’m just not interested in you.”

“Do you mind if we drive by my ex’s place?  I just want to see if anyone is there. “

The breakup wasn’t easy.  Then again what breakup really ever is?  They say you should mourn the loss of a relationship 1 month for every year you were together so why then 7 months later am I still traumatized by that relationship?  I’ve put in my time.  Why isn’t the grief subsiding?

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get on with my life like everyone else?

He’s already moved on.  Hell, he’s already in love with someone new and living with her … planning his future with her.

Then one day he posts a picture of himself and that whore on his facebook page.  He was smiling, holding her from behind.  I noticed in her hand was an iphone.  He had cut my iphone off but he got her one.  He left me with no car but gave her our car we had bought together and bought himself a new one.  I went from being sad to being really angry …. more like down right pissed off.

I removed him from my facebook page.  I didn’t want to see his updates anymore or what his whore looked like.  I stopped following him on twitter.  I removed him from my phone contacts list and speed dial.  I removed him from my instant messenger contact list.  I systematically removed him from every aspect of my life.

And you know what?  It got easier.  Almost if overnight I started to get over him.  I went from thinking of him every day to thinking of him maybe once a week.  Then weeks would go by and I didn’t give him a second thought.  Then I realized the secret to a successful breakup is to completely get the person out of your life in every way shape and form.

If you are reminded of the person all of the time, how can you really ever get over them?  How can you really ever move on with your life if part of you is still living in the past?

Women on the other hand are like Wi-Fi.  They see all available devices but connect to the strongest one.

We need to teach our daughters the difference between …

a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her,

a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her,

a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly,

a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her,

a man who believes he is a God’s gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God’s gift to man

and then teach our sons to be that kind of man.

]]> http://www.mensuck.com/?feed=rss2&p=777 0 http://www.mensuck.com/?p=771 http://www.mensuck.com/?p=771#comments Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:40:08 +0000 Tracy http://www.mensuck.com/?p=771 I love little Cartman from South Park when he goes into his whole “Respect my authoritah” bit.  It always makes me giggle. So when I started writing my latest story about men with authority issues, it make me laugh to think of Cartman.

As we get older we learn a lot of things about ourselves and one of the best things about getting older is that we hopefully by now learn from our mistakes and that is why relationships as adults are typically more successful than when we are younger because we know what we do and don’t like in a man.

Last night I learned something new about myself, or more specifically what I do and don’t like in a man.  I guess I’ve always known but it was last night that I really wrapped my mind around it.

A show came on called Who Do You Think You Are where famous people do family history research.  On last night’s show was Charlie Sheen’s dad, Martin Sheen.  They had mentioned a few times how he was a political activist in his younger days but when they mentioned it I didn’t give it a second thought.  Then when he gets side tracked researching his direct family line to look into the history of an uncle, a few times removed.  In short the uncle was also a political activist who he respected for fighting against authority.  That for some reason caught my attention and I started watching closer.

Eventually they got back on track and traced her great-great-great-great grandfather who was a well respected judge in Spain.  They found a clipping of a story about the Judge and a case he was prosecuting.  It was a woman who had had an unmarried affair with a member of the clergy and later even got pregnant by the member of the clergy.  You think it would be this well respected member of society he would be proud of but a few minutes later it was revealed that a few generations later, a child of the judge and a child of the woman would marry and become his grandparents.  It would be a crazy coincidence and that was interesting but all he kept going on about is how much respect he had for this woman who fought authority to do what she wanted, and would fight her way back be able to marry and have children and go on with her life.

As I rolled my eyes I realized how much I don’t like men who have no respect for authority, who are so caught up in fighting the system, they can lose sight of even reality.

So why am I going on about all of this?  To be honest, it’s in hopes that you will start to pay closer attention to all the things that you do or don’t like in your search for true love.  The more you are aware of your own likes and dislikes the happier you’ll be in life.

My ex-husband used to ask me all the time where I wanted to go to dinner. He wouldn’t make a decision to save his life. It was one of the things I hated most about him. It made me lose a lot of respect for him. I guess I always secretly felt that if he wasn’t man enough to figure out what to do for dinner, how could he ever really take care of me and perhaps our children one day?

But in your case, you at least are trying and she should give you credit for that. To me there is nothing sexier than a man who takes charge. If only more men were like that!

As far as your girlfriend doing what she is doing, chances are she is upset with you about something else, not really the place to eat. It sounds like to me she is upset because she feels you should have known she wouldn’t like that place and you picked it anyway. Most women don’t tend to get that men don’t put that much thought into things. They are hungry, they think about the first food place that comes to mind and that is that. It’s not a test of your love and loyalty. They also can’t read your mind. So ladies if you have a secret desire to have Chinese that day, SAY SOMETHING. He isn’t going to be able to just magically know you secretly wanted one type of food or the other and then to punish him when he doesn’t get it right is really immature.

My suggestion to you is that you both sit down and address the other issues going on behind the scenes.  Clarify what you want, clarify what she wants.  If you don’t learn to talk now openly and honestly, it will only get worse.

“I Never Told You”
from COLBIE CAILLAT

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

——

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem

Dear Tracy,  Please help!  My husband left me for a younger slut that he met online.  We don’t have any children but we’ve been together a long time however only technically married for a few years.  I was pretty much a housewife our entire marriage and he made almost all the money.  I did have some money coming in from a part time business I did from home but it was never really more than a few hundred bucks a month.  Money was tight so we only had one car so when he left me I had no car and no real money to speak of.  I then found out my husband who normally pays our bills wasn’t paying our mortgage for the last few months so they want to foreclose on the house.  I can’t even afford a lawyer for help with the divorce.   I know you probably more so than anyone hear a lot of horror stories like mine because you run this website so I was hoping you had some advice for me.  Everything I read said we haven’t been together long enough for alimony.  Do you have any advice for me?  I really could use your help.

Well the first thing I need to point out is that I’m not a lawyer and any advice I give you should not be considered legal advice.  The answers I give are based on my own personal experiences and you should always consult a real attorney for legal advice and a CPA for financial advice or a doctor for medical advice.  With that disclaimer out of the way, I can tell you what I learned from my own experience in this area.  Every state has different rules but where I live they have this thing called temporary spousal support.  I too, like you had always heard that you had to be married for 10 years so when my husband left me penniless and like you without transportation to even get a job I panicked.  Turns out what people don’t tell you is that there is an option but only to help the spouse who makes the least amount of money, typically for housewives to get back on her feet during the divorce proceedings.    Basically the court will order your husband to pay you 50% of his income while you two are working out the details of your divorce.

The quickest I’ve ever heard of anyone getting a divorce in 60 days so at least for two months you will get half of his income and while it may not be much it is at least something.  However typically in cases of ugly divorces where one spouse cheats, it won’t be a quickie, clean divorce so for as long as that drags out, you are getting 50% of his income, as ordered by the court.

Temporary spousal support is not alimony or child support.  It is from my understanding a temporary order from the courts meant to help one party recover from a divorce, to help them get back on their feet with they suddenly and typically without much notice lose the majority of their income, as with in your case because your husband just took off.

So while that is the good news, the bad news is, you will have to figure out a way to hire a divorce attorney and although typically the court can get your husband to pay all of your legal bills, at first you’ll have to foot the up front money and that could be anywhere from $1500 to $8000, depending on if you have children or not.

My husband and I have no children but we had some past tax debt that he didn’t pay and potentially some hidden assets (as in he got an inheritance and was trying to hide it from me) so in the end I had to pay up front $3,000 to the divorce attorney.  It seems like the more complicated issues you have, the more up front they want.

If you don’t have the skills to get a job you will need to work that out with your divorce attorney.  Him paying for your re-education to return to the work force will be part of the divorce settlement.   If you need support after the divorce you’ll have to get him to agree to it on your own or with your lawyer because like you said, you haven’t been married for 10 years and without that, most courts won’t just give you alimony.

Since most times you can get your husband to pay all divorce related legal fees sometimes family members will loan you the money you need up front to get things started.  The faster you get this process started, the faster you can get some money because the courts will order temporary spousal support to begin almost immediately and again to last the entire length of the divorce proceedings, no matter how long it drags out.

The only thing I would warn against is don’t shack up with some other guy during your divorce.  I read online about one girl who did that and as such the husband was able to go back to court and argue that she is living with him as a common law wife and as such she lost her temporary spousal support.  Anyway, I’m not a lawyer so I can’t exactly explain how all of that works but do just be careful.

From the moment it arrived I found it wasn’t the great quality bed it appeared to be on TV. The bed itself is really nothing more than two air mattresses with bed padding over it. Still my husband convinced me to give it a try. Surely for the nearly $1500 we paid for the bed, it can’t be all THAT bad, right?

Well it was. The concept of the number system is simple enough … the softer you want your bed the lower the number, the less air in the mattress. One side of the bed can be a 5 while the other side can be a 9. This is supposed to be a great selling point in that each person can have the mattress they want on their side of the bed but what I didn’t like is massive lump in the middle of the bed from the difference in levels of air in the bed. Who doesn’t at some time or another roll over, even if just a little on to the other side of the bed? Well if you do, you without a doubt will not like this bed.

Next is the stability of the bed. Ever have a reason to sit on the foot of your bed? Well you don’t be able to do that with this bed. This bed doesn’t come with any screws, everything just snaps together or lays on top of each other. They use this as a selling point, but for anyone who actually has one of these beds knows that it’s far from a benefit because if you forget and sit on the foot of the bed, the front part literally lifts off of the rails.

So if you are considering purchasing this bed, don’t.

The Sleep Number Bed Sucks

You will find comfort with friends throughout. Socially an interesting month.
Mind would remain focused on real estate and some potential purchase.
Since you will be aggressive and dynamic, good progress on account of your hard work possible.

Focus would remain on :

1. Domestic matters and real estate.
2. Overseas travel and business opportunity.
3. Friends & new sources of income.
4. Marriage matters and partnerships.

Career will see some sluggish growth this month till the 16th and improve thereafter. Very good progress would come during the month of September and so you should keep your efforts up. Opportunities from foreign lands would be available in plenty.

A sudden rise in activity levels in work environment would come about. There would be aggression, hard work and progress. After 17^th August 2011, growth will be much faster.

Love life will see challenges, due to ego issues and misunderstanding. This would be present till the 16^th August 2011 and thereafter good changes will come in after the 17^th August 2011.
Relationships will be average and stretched at times. Improvements will come as the month comes to a close.
Marriage matters will be average and generally peaceful.

Money matters will be positive. There would be good amount of gains from unexpected sources. Income will be good and be in proportion to the hard work you put in.
Investments will give very good returns after the 17^th August 2011.

Family life will be good. Health could dip due to poor stamina and immune system after the 17^th August 2011. Avoid stressing yourself during this month.

First half of the month would be better than second half of the month.

You will find comfort with friends throughout. Socially an interesting month.
Mind would remain focused on real estate and some potential purchase.
Since you will be aggressive and dynamic, good progress on account of your hard work possible.

Focus would remain on :

1. Domestic matters and real estate.
2. Overseas travel and business opportunity.
3. Friends & new sources of income.
4. Marriage matters and partnerships.

Career will see some sluggish growth this month till the 16th and improve thereafter. Very good progress would come during the month of September and so you should keep your efforts up. Opportunities from foreign lands would be available in plenty.

A sudden rise in activity levels in work environment would come about. There would be aggression, hard work and progress. After 17^th August 2011, growth will be much faster.

Love life will see challenges, due to ego issues and misunderstanding. This would be present till the 16^th August 2011 and thereafter good changes will come in after the 17^th August 2011.
Relationships will be average and stretched at times. Improvements will come as the month comes to a close.
Marriage matters will be average and generally peaceful.

Money matters will be positive. There would be good amount of gains from unexpected sources. Income will be good and be in proportion to the hard work you put in.
Investments will give very good returns after the 17^th August 2011.

Family life will be good. Health could dip due to poor stamina and immune system after the 17^th August 2011. Avoid stressing yourself during this month.

First half of the month would be better than second half of the month.

You might find your expenses and overheads turning unreasonable. You should control your financial commitments. Aggression towards others, especially towards partners should be controlled.

Focus this month, could be on:

1. Matters relating to children.
2. Gains in investments
3. career and equations with people in authority.
4. Financial matters and overheads.
5. Marital matters

Career will pick up in comparison to the last month. General level of luck as well as opportunity in work related matters would go up from the 17^th August 2011. Chances of overseas travel for work could also build up. Strategy for career could get muddled up after the 2^nd August 2011. You should try and get advice in sensitive matters.
Work environment will be exciting after the 17^th August 2011. A new attraction could build up.

Love life will be average as the month begins but would jump up after the 17^th August 2011. Luck will be on your side, if you are looking for romance. A serious relationship is on the horizon.
Existing relationships will see bonding but frequent conflicts too. Avoid aggression.

Marriages would be turbulent since there could be aggression and some unknown fears and issues, which might resolve only towards end of the month.

Money matters will be positive. You will see a liquidity crunch but things will get worked out. Income will pick up after the 17^th August 2011.
Investments will give very good returns so keep investing, sans any speculation.

Family life will be positive this month. Happiness from children. Health could be low till the 16^th August 2011 due to poor stamina and vitality but should look up tremendously after the 17^th August 2011.

Second half of the month would be better than first half of the month.

Work as well as personal life will be in a dynamic phase. You will be focused but adamant at times. That could create some gaps as well as lead to lost opportunities.
Bonding could dip with spouse as well as business partners.

Focus would be on the following areas:

1. Career and new growth opportunities
2. Income sources and new friendships.
3. Chances of travel and gains from overseas sources.
4. Competition with a colleague at work.

Career will be in a phase of growth. You will get opportunities from overseas sources. There would be changes after the 17^th August 2011. Growth and support would come in from people in authority and government sources. You might however find competition, maybe from a female colleague which could create pressure at work. Overall however career will progress well. Work environment would be progressive and give gains overall.

Love life will be happy and positive till the 16^th August 2011. Thereafter ego hassles and career pressures could build up and spoil the outlook in love matters.

Existing relationships will be positive but you and your partner would tend to compete with each other. Marriage matters will be good till the 16^th August 2011 and see some blocks. Resentment could build up towards spouse and you need to rationalize your expectation towards spouse.

Money matters will be dynamic and positive. You will get good amount of gains in money matters. Income will be very good throughout.

Investments will give good returns. You should however resist the temptation to borrow, in order to investment. Speculation is forbidden this month.

Family life will be very positive this month. Health could get effected due to excessive anger now. Caution and calm attitude will help you do well in health matters.

First half of the month would be better than second half of the month.

Creative work and new ideas would be rewarded well. You will find the support of people in authority this month. Use it to your advantage.
Distances could develop with children during this month.

You will find focus in the following areas:

1. Marriage matters and relationships.
2. Partnerships, both old and new.
3. New avenues of income.
4. Expenses and financial commitments.

Career will be active but still see some blocks during this month. Ego issues and some amount of rivalry could see pressures at work. Improvements will come after the 17^th August 2011, when suddenly new opportunities will open up and you will see gains and progress. Work environment will see growth due to new opportunities which are joint in nature.
Colleagues will work as partners to progress forward.

Love life will see blocks till the 16^th August 2011. You could loose love related opportunities due to pressures at work or ego hassles. Improvements would come after the 17^th August 2011. There will be a tremendous rise in sex appeal and you will be in demand on the social circuit throughout.

Relationships already existing could see distances and pressures.
Marriage matters will be positive and lucky throughout. Spouse would be a source of joy.

Money matters will be positive. You will be lucky and see tremendous growth in money matters this month. There will be chances of another source of income building up this month too. Income will be very good and satisfying now.

Investments should be made with caution. You could loose money and so new investments should be avoided.

Family life will be positive. Health will be good throughout too.

Second half of the month would be better than first half of the month.

Mind could be disconnected in this entire period. You will however be motivated to work hard and in a focused manner.

Focus this month would be in the following areas:

1. New activities in career.
2. Money matters and some concerns about expenses.
3. Marital & domestic matters.
4. New growth opportunities and networking options.
5. Rise in status

Career would be in a phase of high activity and dynamic growth. You will work aggressively to meet your targets. There would be support from people in authority. You might find yourself down on confidence and mental stamina to be able to make use of all the options available.

Pressures could come up in the work environment. You will do well to take the help of co workers. Use your diplomatic skills to your advantage.

Love life will be great till the 16^th August 2011. Social life will be rolling and your sex appeal would be high. A dip could come in after the 17^th August 2011 & opportunities could go down.
Relationships could be trying throughout this month.
Marriages will be below average in terms of happiness, although you would stand to gain from spouse.

Money matters would be positive till the 16^th August 2011. Gains and income will be substantial till such time. A dip could come from the 17^th August 2011. Liquidity could be poor throughout this month.
Investments would be average this month, Avoid any risky investments.

Family life would be good this month. Some mental distances could develop after the 17^th August 2011. Health would be good till the 16th. A dip in stamina and immune system could come in after the 17^th August 2011. Avoid stress during this time.

First half of the month would be better than second half of the month.